MAGNETIC - Strange Boy (pt. 3)

PART 3 - The Strange Boy - Erwin x OC

I’ve met Erwin Smith when we were very young – actually, when we were still small children. Our first encounter hasn’t been very promising, if we take into account that our parents wanted us to befriend each other. When the Smiths arrived, I was upstairs, and the nanny was braiding my hair, so I was late. Mother scolded me for being rude to guests, but Erwin’s father only smiled, and said that was no problem at all. Erwin was silent. I bowed down a little to both of them.

“Good afternoon,” I said.

“Good afternoon, miss,” Erwin responded seriously, bowing down a bit too. “My name is Erwin Smith.” As expected. I was staring at his thick eyebrows before remembering that the staring at people, boys included, was rude. The laughter was too, so I didn’t laugh either. I fought the urge, though.

“I am Aurora von Amsel. Nice to meet you.” I offered him my hand, expecting he will kiss it, but he just shook it instead.

“Nice to meet you too,” he said. I doubted it. I think he might have even hated me a bit in that moment. His grip was firm, and his posture was prideful, even at that age. I nodded, and let go of his hand. And that was practically it. Our first conversation ended just like that.

The adults looked at us like we were… adorable, but there was nothing adorable about our mutual inconvenience. To be honest, I didn’t know what to talk about with that boy… or any boy for that matter. I doubted the girly stuff such as dolls or dresses were interesting to him, not to mention mother’s singing lessons. Those bored me to death, yet alone someone like him. Also, he seemed like he didn’t want to talk to me either, so I didn’t bother to continue the conversation.

We were just sitting in silence, eating light cakes and drinking tea while the adults were discussing politics, and the society in general. I was looking through the window, looking at trees and birds, and… truly, anywhere but Erwin. Mother tried to make us talk, but we were both pretty stubborn.

It took us a couple of awkward visits to finally start talking. It happened pretty randomly. Erwin’s father, teacher Smith, suggested that we should start playing chess. Erwin was supposedly very good at it, so he could start teaching me.

He was good at it. A prodigy, to be fair. But, I wasn’t interested in chess other than looking at beautiful wooden pieces. So, when he started explaining the basics to me, I’ve tried to follow simply out of courtesy. However, it got boring soon, mostly because Erwin kept winning all the time.

“Can we change that rule?” I asked, slightly annoyed by his intelligence. I felt stupid around this boy.

“No.” He looked slightly offended with my question. Like the change of one simple rule would mean the end of the world, as my younger self noted then.

“Can we do something else instead?” I asked again. He won the game thrice in a row.

“Like what?” he asked politely. But I was annoying to him as much the game was annoying to me.

“Let’s make up stories,” I offered. That’s what I would usually do to amuse myself.

“What stories?” he was confused. I assume I was strange to him.

“About the chess-pieces, naturally. We have two armies. Two kings. Two queens. Let’s make stories for them. The most interesting story wins.”

I had very active imagination as a child, thanks to my father, Robert von Amsel, who is established writer, novelist and a poet. His works are interpreted in many ways, in various places, including the Grand Opera House of Mitras. My mother often plays characters from his works when on stage.

“Let’s try it, then.” Erwin was opened to suggestions. He had always been. So, we finally found a way to communicate with each other, and when we finally started… we couldn’t stop.

You could talk about anything and everything with Erwin Smith. Really. He was smart, and well-mannered, and didn’t mock you for your ideas, no matter how stupid they might have seemed at the time. He was patient with me, and taught me many things. I’ve started looking forward to his arrivals, which grew to be frequent because his father, Mr. Smith, became my private tutor.

We grew quite fond of each other, and I couldn’t wait for Erwin’s next visit. He became my friend, my confidant, and I felt like he could understand me much better than all the girls I used to be friends with. Our friendship only got better with years. My mother even started to tease me for my excitement prior to Erwin’s arrivals.

“You changed two dresses and combed your hair twice already,” she would laugh, and I would keep combing my hair for the third time anyway. The nanny had already given up on trying to make my hair for me, I’d ruin it and try to make it better myself.

“I want to be beautiful for our guests,” I bluntly admitted, and my mother’s smile became even wider.

“You have any particular guest in mind, Aurora?”

“No,” I lied.

“It’s not appropriate to lie to your own mother, you know.”

“I am sorry.”

“You like Erwin?” she was direct.

“No...”

“Aurora.”

I was blushing at that moment. I remember it like it was yesterday, not a few decades ago. I took a deep breath and confessed. It was the boldest and the most honest confession I’ve ever made.

“I love him. I want to marry him.”

Her laughter was filled with joy and amusement. “My, my. Are you sure?”

“Yes!”

“What about his funny eyebrows?” She teased further, knowing that at first wasn’t fond of them.

“His eyebrows are just fine, there’s nothing wrong with them!”

You learn to see things a bit differently when affection clouds your judgment. My mother knew it too. With time, I grew fond of Erwin’s eyebrows, and everything else.

“You are so determinate, dear. Does he know about your plan?”

“No.”

“Does he share your… feelings?”

“N… I am not sure. No.”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to…”

“NO!” I snapped. I was confused, and didn’t know how or why people end up together, or marrying each other, but I felt that Erwin was someone I would marry. Even if I knew him just for a couple of years, I was absolutely sure that he was the kind of boy I would marry.

I am afraid that he still is. For a goodness's sake, will I ever learn?

- - - - - - - -

“Let’s play a game.”

The chess was our usual way to solve things. The deal was standard: if he wins, he gets what he wants. If I win, I can ask of anything that I want that is within his power.

Clear rules, fair fight.

I set the table for him, and we started playing. It took us almost two hours before I’ve realized that he will beat me in the next four moves, and that I can’t do anything about it. He was politely looking at me, then at the chess-board, all while I was focusing hard to think of the solution from a clearly inevitable situation. After I saw defeat, so painfully and clearly… I placed my king down. There was no need to continue playing further.

“A wise decision,” Erwin smiled.

“Must you mock me?” I rolled my eyes.

“I’d never mock you,” he stated, “though, there was that one time when…”

“Stop right there. I was ten.”

Erwin’s smile was gentle and genuine. “You were quite daring for a ten-year-old girl.”

“Don’t mention it.”

I reached for a cigarette, for the second time that afternoon, but remembered that Erwin wasn’t very fond of my bad habit.

“State your terms. A deal is a deal, and I shall respect it.”

Commander was pleased. “You know what I am about to ask, since I already did. But I still want to be a gentleman, and to give you a choice. So, madam Amsel, will you accompany me to the performance which will help to our fund-rising?”

Oh, look at my dear supreme officer. Acting all kind and noble.

“Erwin, you are such a manipulator. Just so you know, I can resist your undeniable charm.”

“Oh, I am well aware you can. But will you resist me then, or I can count on you?”

“Only if you promise that we won’t talk to any suspicious-looking gentlemen my mother tries to throw at me.”

“You have my word. I will be there to assist with all the undesirable men you face. We will stay for the performance, make our appearances… and we will only greet your parents. Then, we will have a drink or two, and get back to our boring, dull and highly-dangerous lives. That’s all.”  

All, dear Commander? It’s never like that for us.

“Hopefully. Will you bring the Central Unit? Levi’s Special Operations’ Squad?”

“I will bring anyone and everyone who is willing to go. After all, it’s an event which concerns the whole Scouting Legion.”

He’s got a point. But again, this is Erwin. When does he not have a point?

“Good.”

My superior looked through the window, his eyes filled with colors of twilight sky.

“Regulus can drive us if you prefer your own servant to manage the carriage,” he offered.

Ah. Back to sensitive topics already, and we have barely survived the previous one.

“Regulus is still in the Capital, guarding prisoner Hoover,” I admitted to Erwin.

“Still? Haven’t you already sent cadets Krieger and Brandt to help cadet Sohner with that duty?” he wanted to confirm, and I nodded, providing the desired answer.

“Oh, I did. And while I am pretty confident that young cadets will manage to keep that boy safe and sound, I can only rest assured if Regulus is with them. I need him there.” I probably said that to reassure myself more than I wanted to reassure Erwin, who was looking at me like he was trying to comprehend the reasons I did all that stuff.

“You assigned him your personal guards. If I remember correctly, I ordered Burkhard Krieger and Georg Brandt to keep you safe while you are operating as the leader of the North Unit. You deliberately gave them up for Hoover’s protection, and I was fine with that. But, to give Regulus away was very unlike you, and just as foolish as it is. You remain unprotected, Aurora.”

Erwin’s expression became very serious. I leaned onto my arm, supporting my head with my palm.

“Well, since I am constantly inside Walls, I presume that I am quite safe. I don’t need those boys to guard me, and you already know that. Regulus also has duties of his own - I don’t always keep him by my side even if he is my most reliable servant. He has a life of his own. What truly bothers you is the fact that I haven’t consulted you before taking any of these actions, and that I haven’t informed you about my plans.”

Commander Handsome still wore that serious expression of his.

“Is that how you really think of me? That I am upset you didn’t tell me you moved the Colossal Titan from Utopia?”

“Well, you better be, or I will find your judgment clouded,” I warned him.

“Why? Because my concern is for your well-being, rather than Bertholdt Hoover’s?” he challenged, looking directly in my eyes.

“Exactly,” I returned the favor. “You don’t get to choose me over Hoover.”

The silence that followed was almost awkward.

“I do, as a matter of fact. You are Major. A high-ranking officer in the military. I value your life more than I value the life of a treacherous cadet and recently discovered titan-shifter. Call it subjective, call it imprudent, but that’s how it is. By renouncing all your guards, you make an easy target for those who would make a move against you - and there are people who don’t like your position or your power. You may think you are safe within Walls… but the truth is, nobody is. Not truly. You know I have a point there.”

I rose from my seat, and removed the chess board from the table.

“Like I said… you don’t have to worry about me. Contrary to my rusty titan-killing skills… I do possess a good and very active set of efficient combat abilities.”

“My concern for you still remains.”

Careful with those words, Erwin. They will awake old hopes, and old memories. I will even go that far to misunderstand you. So, be careful.

“I appreciate it. I do.” That was all I could say, really. Any other response… any other insinuation...

I shook my head. “Let’s leave the things the way they are regarding Hoover. I believe I brought a good decision, and if I didn’t... well, the time will tell. Let me decide what to do with my unit, with my people, and have a little faith in my choices. I’d appreciate that too.“

Commander smiled. “I wouldn’t support your choice in front of the Military Court if I didn’t believe in that decision.”

Erwin rose from his seat, slowly. He approached me.

“I was just implying that you remain exposed to threat. And with recent rumors regarding the royal family and the line of succession… I’d say you are in danger, simply because you know more about this world than you should. Besides, it’s somewhat a public secret that we are close, and you know that being close to me only brings misfortune and bad luck to those who stand my ground.”

“I stand your ground no matter what. It will never change for me.”

“And that’s exactly what worries me.”

Erwin wants to protect me. There’s no doubt about it. However… I knew what troubled him more than protecting those around him. It wasn’t just… the matter of learning the truth about something which Government was hiding, something that included the matter of certain Reiss family, or even King Fritz himself. It was dealing with guilt. Erwin feels responsible for others, even when he is able to send them to their deaths.

It’s the guilt that breaks him from the inside, and wrecks his world. He doesn’t have to say any of this, I know it simply by knowing him.

Erwin’s father, my tutor, died for looking into the history of the Walled World and sharing his knowledge with his curious, bright young son. He literally died for being too smart, and from sharing his conclusions with Erwin, who wasn’t aware what he was doing at that time. Erwin changed drastically after Mr. Smith died, because he was the one who caused the death of his father, without even realizing it at first.

He stopped smiling, stopped talking… he was in shock. No one was able to reach out to him fully, or tell what was really on his mind. He became even more serious than he used to be, and swore that he will clarify the murder of teacher Smith - a cause he set ever since he was a child - up to the current day. He still feels the burden of unknowingly betraying his father, and that’s why he never completely opens up to anyone, not even to me. I just… wish that he would, for his own well-being. Moreover… I hate pulling the words out of him, and forcing him to open up… but someone has to do it, from time to time… so why not me?

He was standing in front of me, all powerful, tall and strong, and yet… I saw that child I once knew. That serious, sweet boy who was determined that he wouldn’t cry, and swore he’d dedicate his life to finding out the truth after they took his father from him and murdered him in cold blood in another city. I felt like… I should say something. Anything.

“Nothing is going to happen to me, Commander. I am just a soldier who revises really boring piles of reports, guards and observes prisoners, and takes care of the military archive. It doesn’t get any more boring than that.”

“Aurora…” he started, but I already knew everything he was about to say.

“Shhh. Come over here.”

I did what I did back then, all those years ago. I opened my arms. He was always bigger, always taller, so I had to reach up for him. He hugged me back, hesitantly, and gently. I inhaled his scent, felt his heartbeat against my chest, and he only hugged me stronger. I didn’t know who needed that hug more… me or him. I felt his hand in my hair, he was touching my braid, stroking it in a slow motion. I’d hug him whenever I felt I lacked words to comfort him. I hugged him when he lost his parents, when he lost his comrades, I hugged him when he lost his comrades and his love... Marie... to his duty. But no matter how often I do that… it simply feels like it’s not enough. I wanted to heal him, heal his soul from all the pain, all the remorse, and all the torment. But I couldn’t, because he wouldn’t let me. He wouldn’t let anyone. But again...

“You are an exceptional woman… you know that, right?” he lowered his lips and whispered those words into my ear. I couldn’t let go of those broad shoulders, of his warm embrace.  

“It’s just a hug, Commander.” I tapped his back twice, “anyone can do this for you.”

I probably should have stepped back in that moment, but I couldn’t. Who knows when he will be in the mood to remotely touch me like this again?

“It’s Commander now, not Erwin?” he teased. “Anyone could, but anyone is not you. It simply doesn’t feel the same.” Yeah. For me neither.

“I almost feel special,” I rolled my eyes. “I already told you I will go with you to mother’s concert, so you can stop with teasing before I get the wrong idea.”

“You are so painfully direct when you want to be.” He touched my face with his left hand. His fingers felt warm against my cheek. I touched them with my own.

“I’ve learned in harder way that I should be direct… at least, with you.”

His eyes were filled with something I couldn’t understand. They seemed cold, but were warm in the same time. Him being this close to me was… dangerous. More dangerous than I could ever imagine. A simple touch was… frustrating as much as it was desired.

“I shall have people prepare the room for you, Erwin. You must be tired.” With that, I pushed him away in the most polite way possible. I needed an air. I needed... what did I need, exactly?

In the next moment, I was in a hallway, searching for Rothstein. I gave an order to my cadet to arrange a guest bedroom for our Commander. I knew that, after such a tiresome journey, Erwin will want to rest and sleep over in the Northern Unit Sector. Therefore, I also asked soldiers to prepare a dinner and to salute Commander in appropriate way when he arrives. Doing all that, I cooled my head, and my mixed feelings off.

I was completely calm when I've returned in my office.